I finally feel like after a tough few days, I have managed to come back from this low mood. It’s weird because I’ve been so active this week too. Normally my exercise and activity levels override any negativity, so not sure what made me feel so low again.
I think the reality is, we all get good and bad days.
When you have an anxiety disorder, those bad days can feel seriously enhanced, compared to the average person.
I sacked off a job interview on Thursday, and for some reason I beat myself up over it. Looking back it was the right thing to do. The job potentially could have caused a lot of unnecessary stress, and it could have lead to a relapse in my mental health. It wasn’t a risk worth taking.
For most people they could just say “fuck it, it’s not worth it!” For someone fighting against anxiety it can feel like the biggest mistake of your entire life. I know it’s not now though. Onto the next job application. The right opportunity will come along I’m sure of it.
Off to clean the car now before it rains…
Cleaned my car yesterday and I must admit when I see it like this, it makes me want to keep it. I bought it as an investment when I sold a property I owned. I had to sell my property to free up some money to live on when I had my breakdown. I am entitled to fuck all from the government despite paying into the system all my life. Two years off work nearly, and haven’t claimed a bean. The system is all wrong.
I am now trying to find a part time job so I can edge myself back in to the working life again, but it’s finding the opportunity that’s tough. It’s not even about earning money. It is more to stimulate my mind again after nearly two years off work. Obviously a bit of money would be a plus though lol.
I have been seriously considering going to Uni to study for a degree next year. I want to better myself and take on a new challenge. If I can get a degree in my cap , it could set me up for later in life.
In the meantime I will enjoy the Z4 – well when the sun comes back out maybe 😂