Exhaustion from Mental Illness

I saw this post on @mentalhealthfight on Instagram, and found it so relatable, that I had to share it. (I hope they don’t mind me doing so)

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I had a day like this yesterday. I felt exhausted for what most people, would describe as “no reason”. But to me I was exhausted because my busy mind was running at 100mph from the second I woke up, until way into the evening. Mental exhaustion for me outweighs any physical exhaustion I have ever experienced.

Back in 2009 I was in New Zealand, trekking 30km+ hikes up and over snow covered, mountainous terrain. Was I exhausted afterwards? Fuck yeah I was, but nothing half a bottle of rum couldn’t quickly comfort…

Looking back over the last couple of years, during my mental breakdown, I have never felt exhaustion like it. I was so tired but couldn’t sleep. When I did sleep, some random thought would wake me up every ten minutes. It’s a never ending cycle.

Your mind is the most powerful part of your body. If you don’t learn how to look after it , and train it to how it should be operated, it can run out of control – full steam ahead.

That’s when the negative thoughts turn up – It feels like you are left at the end of the road, with what seems like no clear route to take. I never used to be able admit this, but on more than one occasion it very nearly got too much for me to handle. I had this evil demon inside of me, and he was one stubborn bastard! He wouldn’t piss off and let me live a “normal” life. Whatever one of those is supposed to be…

I have this thought of when I was a lot younger, and hearing of someone who commit suicide nearby to where we used to live. People would say “oh he’s taken the cowards way out”. I can see the reason why some might see it as cowardly – After all they are leaving family and friends behind – and a lot of the time without any explanation as to why they have done it. But stop, and think for one minute… Think about why that person has decide to commit this awful, fatal act. What torment and terror are they living through everyday? You don’t know what demons they have lurking within. Let’s put it this way, sometimes those demons can get too much and for so many, they see no other alternative. I know I came very close to losing the fight.

So there we go. The fighting is real inside our minds. It’s just sometimes the exhaustion from it all, can prove to be too much.

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