Just reading through my diary this morning and this one sentence has opened my eyes, as to just how low a place I was in (and not so long ago!) .
Back when I first started seeing my therapist, she recommended I kept a log of my feelings and emotions. January this year, it seems like I hit the lowest of the low.
I’d forgotten that I even wrote this in my diary and it’s only now I realise how close I came to giving up. Another post the following week said “I feel like I’ve reached the depths of darkness “… It’s fair to say I got a lot worse, before I got better.
For those who don’t know me – I live by the sea, and there are cliffs within minutes of my house. I could very easily have gone ahead with this, BUT I am so glad I didn’t.
So for anyone who is scared of life and living in fear that nothing can change – it can change. It WILL change and everything WILL get better. I can’t remember where I read or heard this saying, but it has always stuck in my mind :
“After every dark night there’s a bright day.”
I’m not sure how to share this to a larger audience, but I would love for people to see that no matter how low you feel, you can turn it around. I’m not saying I am the same as you reading this. I am not saying my darkness was darker than your darkness. But I have been to the dark. I have experienced my own darkness, and I have lived through it. I came out the other side and have been able to share this experience with you.
This is a big thing for me. Opening up and sharing my experiences while they are still pretty raw. To share it online, with the possibility of just a few people reading this, is huge.
My immediate family have pretty much disowned me because they always thought I was “attention seeking” or needed to “snap out of it”. When I last saw her, my own mother told my partner “Chris gets like this from time to time – you just have to be firm with him”. It was not attention seeking – it was an illness – It this evil disease – All I ever needed was love and support. That’s not much to ask for from your parents right?
Anyway I will leave this there for now. I am going to concentrate on updating this blog now going forward, and try and post daily. I would really appreciate if you could like/share my page. Also follow my Instagram page. I did think of remaining anonymous when I first started writing. But now I think, why should i? I have nothing to hide and certainly nothing to be ashamed of.
Hope you all have a great day and maybe this will help a few others who may read it. 🙏🙏🙏♥️♥️♥️