In the beginning…

I will be the first to put my hands up and say I wasn’t the easiest person to be around, from my late teens going into my 20s and beyond.

I mixed with the wrong crowds. I dabbled in alcohol and recreational drugs. I swore, shouted, kicked and screamed.  I stayed out for days and nights at a time. Coming home when I wanted to. And I’m the first teenage boy/ young man to ever do this right?

Why did I mix with the wrong crowds? A simple answer is – Have you ever tried going to an all boys secondary school, when your dad is a police man? If one of the lads found out, they would treat you like something they had trod in! Say things like, “oh your Dad’s a pig? Oh we better not say anything, or he will get his dad to arrest us! etc, etc…. So that’s probably why I mixed with who I did, and why I acted the way I did. I am not saying that it’s any fault of my dad’s. But it’s a fact. It was what happened. 

Another answer would be – Yes, I was hanging around with the wrong crowd. But they accepted me for me. They didn’t judge me. They made me feel welcome. I didn’t feel that at home. Ok, so my parents think they were perfect. For outsiders looking in, maybe they were. But for me there is more to parenting than, buying us whatever we wanted for Christmas and Birthdays. There’s more to parenting than, giving us all the money we need, to buy whatever we wanted. There’s more to life all together. Full stop! Sometime’s it would have just been nice, to feel wanted and loved. Can I remember the last time either of them said “we love you”, or “we are proud of you”. Sadly the answer to that is “no”.

So that’s a very brief insight into the beginning of my battle against anxiety and depression (so to speak). Not so long ago, I would have described it as “the beginning or the end”. This doesn’t even scratch the surface of my journey. I will continue to blog in more detail as and when the time arises. I am a complete beginner to the world of blogging. I may not spell correctly or use the right punctuation. I am probably going to swear… Lots! I have chosen to remain anonymous. It is not important who I am. What is important, are the people who read this. The people who can relate to my situation. Then finally realise, they are not alone.

 

Mr F x

 

You could spend a life wondering what lies at the end of the track. Or you could go and find out. It hurts to let someone go, but sometimes leaving is necessary…

1405487363783
The incredible Milford Sound, in New Zealand.

 

2 comments

  1. For a first time blogger, I think you did amazingly well. As awful as depression is, I liked reading that. (Hopefully that comes across how I meant it too)

    Liked by 1 person

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